Ignis Fatuus
by emication
Summary: Duo wants to move on in his and Heero's relationship, but a companion he's had since childhood's claim to possess him is getting in the way.


+ Title: Ignis Fatuus  
  
+ Author: Vinyl Koneko (Emily), roguegirl@att.net  
  
+ Rating: R  
  
+ Couplings: ?x2, 1+2+1  
  
+ Warnings: EU, angst, Duo-mental-torture, real dark  
  
+ Archive: Want it? Take it. Just give me credit, please.  
  
+ Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I'm not making any money. If I was making money the source of the bad mood that inspired this story wouldn't exist and neither would this little fic.  
  
+ Comments: This should be a warning, but oh well. This fic was written due to the fact I will be leaving for college in less than a week and a) I loathe the school with all my being but have to go because right now we couldn't afford where I really want to go and also b) I do not feel ready for this step in my life whatsoever. I apologize in advanced for any twistedness of this story, like I said, I'm in a shitty mood (I'm also PMSing...when it rains it pours, ne?) and didn't feel like working on my much lighter stories that should be worked on. Hope you like it anyway. Please flame me privately.  
  
*~**~*  
  
Duo felt a shiver go down his spine involuntarily, and knew instantly that entering the room had been a bad idea. He should have waited for Heero, as the Japanese young man suggested, but Duo had said he would be fine. He was a Gundam pilot, after all. What did he have to be afraid of? But as he nudged open the wooden door, a pale, thin hand reaching for the light switch, he felt the other presence in the room and it was too late. The door slammed behind him, causing Duo to jump, and he felt a cool finger pressing against his lips, silently telling him not to scream out.  
  
The person was male, this much he knew, and they first met when Duo was still a child, lingering around the rubble of the Maxwell church in a dazed state, trying to pretend the building was still standing and that Father Maxwell and Sister Helen were still alive. Duo could just sense the man following him at first - although back then Duo was certain that he couldn't have been much more than five years older than himself - and he had never seen his face. Duo grew used to the presence, never sharing a word with him, and over time calling him Kage just to give the man a name.  
  
Kage would watch over him at night, a silent guard keeping an eye for the gangs that roamed the streets at night, and for the pimps who on more than one occasion tried to beat Duo into working for them. Kage became Duo's protector and friend, and he had been extremely grateful, but never dared to get to close lest he care for Kage and the only one he had in the entire colony would die.  
  
Then he joined the war effort and met the other Gundam pilots. Kage became possessive, violent, and controlling. Duo would fall asleep after a long, exhausting mission to here Kage's voice as he slept, berating the young man and warning him to keep to himself. After a joint mission with Heero, Kage beat him, calling him a whore and avoiding him for days afterwards, driving Duo nearly insane to get the favor of his friend back. Kage did return one evening, telling Duo that he belonged to him and him along, taking the braided pilot's virginity as he shed tears of agony into a scratchy motel pillow.  
  
Things only got progressively worse as the war went on, and even more so when Duo and Heero got involved. Heero would give him curious glances whenever Duo mentioned anything about Kage, seeming to shake off the man's existence. That's when Duo started waking up sore with dark bruises gracing his pale frame, and Heero started sharing a bedroom with him to keep away the mysterious Kage who hurt the young man he cared for.  
  
Duo slowly closed his eyes, silently willing Kage to stop and leave him alone, but he could tell that wasn't going to happen when the other man started to claw roughly at his shirt, tearing buttons and tossing the discarded item to the wooden floor below. Duo could feel the cool air brush across his chest and face, a gentle caress that mocked him in comparison to Kage's lack of compassion. Kage had never kissed him, Duo realized with a start. The gesture must have seemed to intimate to the other man; even Kage understood that emotions could be one's downfall.  
  
The braided man heard the zipper of his pants being undone, and even in the circumstances he managed a faint moan when Kage's hand brushed across his manhood, which decided to mutiny from his brain and give into the sexual gratification Kage promised, no matter how violent it would be to get there. He certainly wasn't getting any from Heero, but - he was quick to remind himself - that was his problem with his own insecurities. Heero was ready for that step in their relationship, but Duo didn't know what Kage would do to his Japanese lover if he knew of them becoming more physical.  
  
Duo winced at the sensation of nails none-too-gently brushing across the head of his freed arousal. He was vaguely aware of himself standing against the wall of his and Heero's shared bedroom, shirt ripped and on the floor, pants imprisoning his ankles, socks and shoes still on, and his own body betraying him once more as Kage's hand rubbed against his swollen penis. Kage ran the edge of his nail up and down the length, the teasing once more causing Duo to moan.  
  
"My little faggot whore," he heard Kage say, and Duo could sense the cruel grin on the other man's features. Duo swallowed hard. He didn't even know what Kage looked like, the man always able to cling to the shadows and out of Duo's view, a trip that street rats had to learn early to live longer - and yet Kage knew every little plane and curve of Duo's body. Kage needed to have that power over him, and it worked.  
  
Duo's eyes narrowed. It wasn't fair that Kage could just use him and leave him whenever he felt like it. It wasn't fair that Kage could call Duo his, but Duo had never even seen the other man's face. And it definitely wasn't fair of this man to keep him from taking the next step in his relationship with Heero. It was Heero that Duo really wanted, not this presence that used him for sex and to feel powerful and nothing else. Duo knew what he had to do.  
  
He slowly moved a hand out from behind him, using the hand that had been helping in keeping him propped against the wall to reach down, his body slowly sliding to the floor and forcing Kage to follow him. Duo stopped once he was in a squatting position, hand stopping at his ankle, fingers hovering above the handle of the knife he knew was in his boot. He stopped in case Kage had noticed, hoping the other man didn't know about the weapon he concealed there, and carefully withdrew the blade.  
  
Kage looked up from his ministrations on Duo's cock to see a demonic look in the braided man's indigo orbs, and a light from outside reflected on something in his hand. "Leave me alone," he heard Duo whisper fiercely, and before he could react, he felt the cool metal sliding through his skin, and he let out a scream of agony.  
  
Heero heard the scream from down the hall and ran to the bedroom, mentally berating himself for letting Duo go by himself. He didn't understand how this man Duo had told him about had got in without Heero noticing, but the scream had made his heart beat faster and he prayed to whatever God was listening that Duo was all right.  
  
He flung the door open, and there crouched against the wall was Duo, the moonlight causing the silent tears streaming down his face to appear silver. Duo's shirt was next to him on the floor, his jeans and boxers around his ankles. Heero's gaze was drawn to the pool of blood growing on the floor, and the knife sticking out of Duo's bare thigh.  
  
The braided man looked over at his lover, and the tears came harder. "He won't bother us anymore," Duo said in a choked voice. "I killed him...now Kage won't bother us anymore."  
  
Heero kneeled down next to Duo, removing the blade and marveling at the wondering expression on Duo's face as he did so. His lover's mental state was beyond believing that he had stabbed himself, but another person. Heero grabbed Duo's shirt, pressing it against the wound to stop the bleeding. He was thankful that Duo had missed any major arteries. The braided young man looked as if he were about to go into shock.  
  
Heero placed his hand on the back of Duo's head, pulling his face to his shoulder and letting him get out all of his grief in a storm of tears. The Japanese man didn't have the heart to tell his lover that Kage had been an illusion that was at first created by his mind during childhood as an imaginary friend but took on a more negative form, taking in all the negative influences in Duo's life as Duo himself tried to stay clear of it all. Heero felt his eyes water up at the thought of Duo raping himself, believing so strongly that it was another individual hurting him and using him.  
  
Duo doesn't need to know the truth, he thought. We'll get through this, but he doesn't need to know what really happened here. Duo had enough problems in his life that he needed to get over, and Heero didn't feel that this needed to be added to the list. He would protect Duo, he vowed, even if it meant he had to protect his lover from himself.  
  
Heero stroked the back of Duo's head, trying to calm him as much as possible. "Everything will be all right, love. Everything will be all right."  
  
*~**~*  
  
Owari  
  
A/N: Wow, huh? My sister said it sounded like Fight Club, which totally wasn't what I was going for, but oops it kind of does. What else? Oh...I don't know how many of you actually read the comments up at top, but yeah, I reread this on my beta run and started crying hysterically because there's the symbolism of my life right now. I (Duo) got stuck with UMass (Kage) when it's keeping me from George Washington U (Heero), which is what I really want. Going through some seriously rough times... Moving out August 31st, and the days aren't moving slow enough for my liking. Hope I didn't traumatize anyone with this story too bad.  
  
A/N 2: The title, "Ignis Fatuus", essentially means "illusion" and "a phosphorescent light that hovers or flits over swampy ground at night, possibly caused by spontaneous combustion of gases emitted by rotting organic matter". Yes, I am going by the first definition for the fic.  
  
A/N 3: Kage is a double-meaning in this story. In Japanese it is KA-GE meaning "shadow", which is where Duo came up with the name because he was always in the shadows. If you pronounced it the American way, it would be CAGE, where Duo felt trapped by him. Aren't I smart? 


End file.
